I was listening to a song by Kacey Musgraves at work the other day, it is called somebody to love. The lyrics of this song really resonated with me, the song talks about how most people are just doing the best that they can, and trying to find somebody to love. At the end of the day, all anyone really wants is to love and be loved.
I genuinely think that most people have the best intentions. It is a rare person who goes out of their way to hurt someone else. People tend to try their best to be kind and forgiving, I know that I do. I hate to be mad, I hate to hold a grudge, I try my damnedest not to take offense from other peoples action, I know in my heart that 95% of the time, the other person was not trying to offend me. So I think to myself, why should I be mad? Why should I hold a grudge and let this issue harm me more than it needs to? What if something happened, what if I was never able to forgive that person, what if the last thing I said to them was unkind? How would I feel if I left this earth with an ill fated heart? I would feel like shit, plain and simple. I don’t want to leave things unmended, I want to be at peace with myself and my actions as often as possible, just in case something happens.
That being said, kindness and forgiveness are hard things to do, especially when you feel as though a person is acting in a malicious manner. It is easy to feel as though an action is directed at you when you are on the outs with the person making the action. I know that I am naive in thinking the best of people, I know that some do intentionally try to harm others. But I don’t think it is always happening knowingly, I think it is easy for people to be drug into others vendettas, and I think it is easy for people to ignore when someone is being unkind to another person, because it is not directly happening to them. I also think that those who intentionally act unkind try to justify it in some way. A person who is intentionally causing another emotional harm may feel as though they are justified because the other hurt them first, or the other upset them in some way. When I was a child, I may have agreed with this logic, an eye for an eye kind of thing. But when it comes to adulthood and someones emotional well being, you have to understand that most people do not intentionally cause harm, many times, a misunderstanding or miscommunication leads to much more hurtful actions.
My favorite lyrics in this song are:
“We’re all good, but we ain’t angels
We all sin, but we ain’t devils
We’re all pots and we’re all kettles
But we can’t see it in ourselves”
Every person has flaws that they can see, they also have flaws that they can’t see. You have to really look at yourself to see which flaws are hidden, and that can be a scary thing. Why would you want to look so hard at yourself that you see something you didn’t realize was there? Most people don’t want to see the bad in themselves, but you will never grow if you don’t look for those bad things. I know that I can be judgmental (I mean I am a real bitch in my head) and not only towards other people but towards myself as well. I am very mean when I am angered, I always feel awful about it after, but that never seems to stop me from being mean in the moment. I can also be really self centered, I look at things from only my perspective, I have a hard time seeing the other side of the coin. These are just a few of the flaws I have just recently come to realize about myself, I am sure that I have many more that I will have to dig deeper into myself to find. I do this so I can try to be a better person, at one point in the song Kacey says “Just tryin’ to hold it all together We all wish our best was better”, which is 100% the truth for me. I am always trying to better myself, I want to be a good person, doesn’t everyone?
I guess my point in this post is to bring every angle of hurtful actions into consideration. Everyone has flaws, everyone has their own agenda, and everyone only wants to love and be loved. Not everyone can see their flaws, and not everyone is kind and forgiving, the only thing you can do is try and better yourself. You will never be happy if you let other people control your happiness, you have to be able to be kind and forgive others for their actions. You have to try your best not to intentionally harm anyone, you have to let things roll off your shoulders and try not to assume someone is intentionally trying to harm you. If someone is intentionally trying to harm you, you have to be the bigger person, and either disconnect from or confront the person harming you. The most important thing is that you are happy with your own actions, you cannot control other people, be the best version of yourself, realize that no one is perfect and that tomorrow is not a promise.